by Richard Selznick, PhD, Director of the Cooper Learning Center
It’s that time of year again. While the optimism of a new school year is in the air, there also are the memories of all of the homework battles and strife that can occur. Since September is the symbolic start of a new year for many, the following School Year’s Resolutions may help parents – and families – have a year with reduced strife.
Resolution #1: Remember who has the homework.
The underlying value of homework is in teaching basic responsibility. If you are overly anxious about your child’s homework, your child will be more than happy to let you worry about it rather than he/she.
Resolution #2: Use a 10 percent formula.
In line with resolution #1, many parents are in too deep. They are in there every night doing the projects, looking up the information, gathering the materials. I know that it’s necessary for parents to be involved, especially with more complicated projects. But, most of the time, use a 10 percent involvement formula to guide how much to be involved, and you will not be in too deep.
Resolution #3: Establish quiet time.
This may be difficult to achieve for many families but, establish a relatively quiet period of time that is devoted to what might be considered old-fashioned activities, such as reading or homework. Within this period of time, current-day activities, such as texting, Facebook and video gaming, would be restricted. These latter activities would be seen as earned privileges after the “quiet time.” By the way, quiet time applies to the adults too!
Resolution #4: Stop yelling.
Each generation of parenting has a predominant style. Our current style is yelling. When was the last time yelling brought about the desired change? Probably never. Yet we persist. Practice using a more matter-of-fact tone when speaking to your child about school and homework. For instance: “Since you were uncooperative tonight, as we had agreed earlier about the rules, all electronics are off. Hopefully, tomorrow you will cooperate.” That’s it. No haranguing, nagging or yelling.
Resolution #5: Practice “Give and You Get” messages.
Punishments (taking things away) tend to be reactive and on-the-spot, leading to much of the strife that families experience. Modern kids believe that playing video games, having cell phones, texting, etc., are “rights” (sort of like breathing and eating), rather than privileges. What you would like to see from your child is basic cooperation (e.g., getting homework done). Make sure to link earned privileges with cooperation. For example: A simple green check on a calendar after homework time shows that the child then earned nighttime privileges.
Unfortunately, there are no magic answers to the challenges of school, and problems often have complex variables. However, trying a few of these resolutions may help to turn down the heat of the household during the school year.
Dr. Richard Selznick is a psychologist and the Director of the Cooper Learning Center, Department of Pediatrics, Cooper University Hospital. He is the author of The Shut-Down Learner: Helping Your Academically Discouraged Child.