Bullying is often seen on the playground, on the school bus, around the lunch table – and, thanks to the internet and cell phones, via electronic devices and social media as well. As adults, it’s easy for us to brush it off as a nuisance – but for children, it’s a phenomenon that can be all too real.
What should you do if your child comes home and mentions that he or she is being bullied? Or – perhaps more upsetting to you as the parent – what should you do if you get a phone call from the school or another parent letting you know YOUR child is bullying others? Richard Selznick, PhD, Director of the Cooper Learning Center at Children’s Regional Hospital at Cooper, offers some tips for parents of bullied children and parents of bullies that can help deal with these complicated situations.
What can a parent do if a child is bullied?
- Listen to your child more than talk.
- Bullying involves a power imbalance conducted repeatedly over time, with clear enjoyment on the part of the aggressor. Ask clarifying questions. Who was involved? Where and when did the bullying take place? Were adults there and how did they react?
- Be supportive and understanding without reacting too strongly. Strong reactions may overwhelm the child, resulting in their retreating from talking to you.
- Recognize that many typical “solutions” often don’t work; i.e., asking bullied child to solve the problem, ignoring the problem, or to pretend they’re not bothered.
- Work with the school. Tell them about your concerns, without necessarily making formal accusations./li>
What can a parent do if a child bullies?
- Take the problem very seriously. Let your child know the implications, such as significant curtailment of privileges, e.g., electronics of various types.
- Watch for mixed messages. Are you aggressive in the house? Do you have a bullying style?
- Talk to the school administration with your child present, making it clear bullying won’t be tolerated and show support to the school.
- Depending upon age, increase supervision of child’s whereabouts.
- Monitor video/computer/cell phone usage. Make usage more public. Tell your child you will be monitoring their cell phone and text messaging.
Richard Selznick, PhD, is the author of “Shut-Down Learner” & “School Struggles” and the Director/Psychologist of the Cooper Learning Center